


Post-Traumatic Dress Disorder

by JosephThropp



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Gender Identity, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Post-Episode: s06e09 Little Graduation, Pre-Episode: s06e13 Together Forever, Steven Universe Future, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:01:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21877798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JosephThropp/pseuds/JosephThropp
Summary: A recent impulse buy has Steven questioning things he thought he'd put to rest. About himself, about Rose Quartz, and about Pink Diamond. Is this what he really wants, or more influence of someone he feels looming over him?
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Garnet & Steven Universe, Greg Universe & Steven Universe, Pearl & Steven Universe
Comments: 35
Kudos: 239





	1. Rose's Form

Steven regarded the foot of his bed with a worried expression, one hand covering his mouth. The shopping bag he’d brought home two days ago was still sitting there, untouched since he’d brought it home. His purchase was still inside, also untouched. Ever since the day he’d bought it, Steven felt so conflicted. Why had he bought it in the first place? There was no way he could use it. Absolutely no way. What would people say? What would people think? 

The people of Beach City would talk. The Gems would think something was wrong. Connie would be embarrassed to hang out with him. His poor dad would have it worst of all. His only son, into something like this? Steven couldn’t bear the thought of putting him through such trouble. His dad already did so much to make him happy, adding another source of stress onto the pile seemed so selfish.

The teenager sighed as he finally stood from his bed, eyes shut in defeat. He’d been freaking out about this dumb thing for two whole days now, when was he going to get over it? Steven felt sure that he’d eventually just give in and return it to the store. He’d kept the receipt and made sure he had a 30 day return guarantee, done all his research. So why wasn’t he following through and just going back to the store?

No matter how confident he was, it seemed Steven was doomed to a life of being plagued by uncertainty about his decisions. Just when he was getting to a good place in life, he just had to start second-guessing himself, huh? He walked toward his room’s balcony, opening the door and stepping out onto the deck. He needed some air.

It was hard to admit, but Steven knew deep down just what it was about this whole thing that was bothering him. It was his mom. Root of every single awful thing in his life, it seemed. Funnily enough, though, this was actually a problem that wasn’t rooted in anything bad that Pink Diamond or Rose Quartz did. It wasn’t rooted in anything good his mom did either, though, it was just something she did. No moral reprehensibility or questionable decisions attached, just a negligible choice with no consequences of any kind for anyone.

The only thing she’d done wrong as it referred to this issue of Steven’s was making him doubt. He’d been dealing with life in her shadow for years, and this was just an extension of that. There were so many things he’d inherited from her. Powers, weapons, traumas, enemies, even an undead pink pet lion. So many things that Steven wasn’t even sure which parts of his life were even really his anymore. 

That was the crux of his issue, he was coming to realize. The thing he’d bought was only vaguely related to Rose in the loosest of ways, but Steven was afraid anyway. Afraid that he hadn’t bought this thing because it was what he really wanted, but because it was what Rose would’ve wanted.

It didn’t make much of a difference anyway. Even without the identity issues, there were other problems with his purchase. Nobody would take Steven seriously with that thing on. They’d look at him like he was a clown, or just cracked in the head. He couldn’t make it work like any Gem could, his mom included.

The rustling of sound from below his balcony brought Steven’s away from his circling thoughts. He looked down to see Pearl approaching the house, mail in hand. Steven wondered how she might react if she’d seen what he’d bought. See it as some kind of weird attempt to emulate his mom in a totally inappropriate way? Or look on him with a sad kind of nostalgia? It was impossible to say.

As pessimistic as he was, Steven couldn’t help but wonder a little more about what she would actually say. This was all about something Rose Quartz did on Earth, nothing Pink Diamond had ever done. Well, at least not as far as Steven knew. Pearl was even there the first time Rose had done it. Her perspective would at least be way different from anyone else’s. She might even know the reason why Rose had…

Steven suddenly stood up a little straighter, feeling stupid for not thinking about the possibility before. He could’ve been asking Pearl about this for the past two days! He turned from his balcony and dashed back into his room, making a bee-line for the stairs. He’d finally learned his lesson about trying to sit on mom trauma when the option to just talk about it was right there.

* * *

“Pearl!”

The Gem in question looked up from the envelopes on the counter as she heard Steven call for her, seeing him stumble down the stairs. He looked a little fervent.

“Steven! What’s got you in such a tizzy today?” Pearl grinned as she reached out to adjust the boy’s jacket collar, which had been knocked askew in his haste. She then proceeded to smooth out a few of Steven’s stray hairs, but stopped before she went as far as to wipe at what appeared to be a small smudge on his cheek. That might just be a bridge too far.

“I-I just need to talk to you.” Steven stuttered a bit as he did his best not to worry about Pearl’s maternal fussing. Kind of ironic, considering the circumstances. “It’s a mom question.”

“Oh.” Pearl’s bright expression dimmed a little, though not so far as to look upset or uncomfortable. It was just a bit out of nowhere. Steven hadn’t brought up to topic of Rose in quite a bit. He seemed to have been focused on moving on recently, but Pearl wouldn’t ever deny him any answers he wanted. Not anymore, at least. “Well, come on then. Make yourself comfortable.” She gestured towards the couch by the stairs before walking over and taking a seat herself, one leg crossed over the other.

“Thanks, Pearl.” Sometimes Steven forgot just what a relief it was to have all of them so open with one another. It was something he was grateful for, and that he should really thank the Gems for more often. Another time, though.

Joining Pearl on the sofa, Steven took a minute to look for the words he needed. Mom and her form. Or, rather, some of the different forms she took. One in particular. The one she took when she decided to officially stage the rebellion.

Finally, he looked up, looking at Pearl with uncertain eyes. “Why did Mom wear the dress?” His tone was just as uncertain when he spoke.

“What?” Whatever question Pearl might’ve been expecting, it definitely wasn’t that one. “You mean her form?”

“J-Just the second one! Or the third one, I guess. The second time she became Rose Quartz, after you went to the kindergarten!” The multiple identities and forms made it all a little confusing to try and get things straight. “Y’know, the first time she just wanted to look like the rest of the quartzes! But when she started rebelling, she had the outfit she always wore, the one from the painting!”

Steven gestured towards the spot above the stairs where it had been before he’d moved it into Lion’s mane. She’d obviously never been poofed in the millenia since the war, so it was the only image of her he’d ever known. The same form with the dress she’s adopted on the moon base had been the one she’d lived on Earth with for the longest time.

“Oh. Ohhhhhh.” Pearl’s eyes lit up with realization as she finally got a grasp on what Steven was getting at. The form Rose had adopted as the leader of the Crystal Gems. She’d made a change from the look of a typical quartz after Blue and Yellow had dismissed Pink’s pleas for what felt like the hundredth time. As for why…

Well, that was a good question. “Hm.” The Gem placed a knuckle against her mouth as she contemplated the question, realizing she didn’t really have a direct answer for the question. It wasn’t like this was a secret, it was just something that Pearl never had any reason to ask about. There was no reason. 

Still, it was easy enough for Pearl to infer a few things from the choice. She’d made a similar choice when she left behind the dress she’d formed with as a gift to Pink. A choice to take on form that wasn’t given to her by any customization options. “Well, you already know the first time she was in disguise. She was blending in with the rest of the kindergarten with the outfit appropriate for members of Pink’s army.” She couldn’t help a little smile as she recalled the form, one Pearl had thought up herself. She hadn’t expected Pink to replicate it so thoroughly.

Following that, Rose’s form was anything but uniform. It was something that was like no other Gem on Earth. “There were a few reasons for the dress, I think. The star in particular was good for two things!” Pearl raised two fingers, tapping each of them as she rattled off both points. “The star itself became the symbol of the Crystal Gems, of course. But it also showed the top of her gem, so nobody would suspect that it was Pink Diamond’s gem within her.”

Huh. Steven had never really thought about the second point before. It made sense, though. The Diamonds had seen his gem in both him and his mom a lot of times, but never associated it with Pink Diamond just from the sight of it. Hiding in plain sight. Still, that didn’t really get to the root of his curiosity.

“Okay, so it was good for symbolism and hiding her gem and stuff, but why in a dress?” It didn’t matter so much what it looked like, it was what type of garment it was altogether that was getting to Steven. Gems had dresses, usually the high-ranking ones, but his Mom had been Pink Diamond, pretty much the fourth most important Gem in the universe. She hadn’t even chosen to wear a dress back when she was a Diamond. Blue wore one, so it’s not like Pink didn’t have the choice to wear one.

Ugh. He was definitely reading too much into this. At this point he was sure that this had a lot more to do with him than it did with his mom. Just projecting what he was worried about onto her because of all the other stuff she did. He really needed to get over this.

The anxious thoughts running around Steven’s head were suddenly interrupted when he noticed Pearl’s hand on his shoulder, giving him a light squeeze. He looked over, noticing that she was looking over at him with obvious sympathy in her eyes. That was a little concerning. Did she know what he was thinking about?

“You know, I really think the dress part might have been just because she really liked it.” The smile on Pearl’s face was knowing, but something in her voice soothed Steven’s fears about that. Her tone was calm and even, soothing some of the nerves Steven was desperately trying to keep hidden. 

Still, just liking it? Could it really be so simple? So many of the weird things his mom had done were done just to keep secrets and make sure nobody found out about the things she did. This just had to be one of them, right? It had to be. There had to be something about his mom’s thing with dresses that was enough for Steven to justify the things he was thinking about dresses.

There wasn’t a chance to dwell on it, though. Pearl was quick to continue her thought. “She liked to dance, and the way dresses twirled was one of her favorite things. Oh, and you should’ve heard her when she’d jump at the top of the hill over the temple and float down!” She looked up towards the roof, recalling how the temple had been entirely open just a few short decades ago. Rose had always loved to play around on the cliff.

Pearl stood from the couch, chuckling a bit at the memory. “Oh Pearl, look! Don’t you just love how the layers all go up!” She put on her best impression of Rose as she did a quick pirouette, illustrating how Rose would twirl down towards the beach. It was a silly game, but it had always made Rose so happy.

Turning back towards Steven, still sitting on the couch, Pearl saw him looking upwards. Clearly very deep in thought.

“She just liked it. That was really it?” It sounded as if he’d never even considered the possibility. Pearl wasn’t sure what the significance of it was, but it was clear that something about Rose and her form was striking a chord with Steven for one reason or another. Whatever reason that might have been, she wasn’t sure, but she was always prepared to offer him whatever support she could.

“I think so. I haven’t formed with one in quite a while, but I can see the appeal.” She returned to her spot on the couch beside Steven, only for him to pop up off of it as soon as she took her seat. Well, that was a quick turnaround. “So, going to tell me what this is all about?”

“Maybe in a bit, there’s still a few things I just need to figure out.” He made a move for the door, but stopped short of opening. He turned suddenly, reaching down and wrapping his arms around Pearl where she sat. It was an unexpected hug, but far from an unwelcome one. She returned it with a smile, glad to have given him whatever answers he was looking for. “Thanks, Pearl.”

“Anytime.”

Pulling away, Steven reached a hand into his pockets, relieved to find his keys still there after he’d run some errands earlier in the day. Perfect. There were a few more places he needed to be.

“Hey, do you by chance know where Garnet’s at?”

“I think she should still be at Little Homeschool. Her yoga class should be letting out fairly soon.” Another knowing smile crossed Pearl’s face. It seemed she was calling upon her uncanny ability to read Steven like a book today. “Got a few more questions in mind?”

“Yeah. I’ll be out a while. Don’t wait up!” With a smile and a two finger salute, Steven stepped out with his keys in hand, closing the front door behind him.

Next stop, Garnet.


	2. Here Comes The Bride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA that was a hell of a pause, huh?
> 
> Apologies for such a break between chapters. There was a touch of personal stuff delaying me, but also keeping up with the roller coaster that is SUF. But, hey, it's a good motivator to try and get this done before the show itself wraps u

Returning to Little Homeschool after he’d left his position there was always such a bittersweet thing for Steven. As much as he liked seeing all the gems engaging in their new subjects, it reminded him a bit of the conflict he’d faced when deciding to leave it. Part of him wanted to get back into it, help all the gems get adjusted to their new life. But, no. That wasn’t what he was here for today. Today was all about him, and Garnet, and personal growth! Feelings of regret and nostalgia were pushed down as he pulled the Dondai up to the school, refocusing on what he was here for.

Within Little Homeschool, a group of gems who appeared to be leaving a class were happy to confirm they’d just left Garnet’s yoga instruction. They pointed him towards the tower where she enjoyed leading her classes, as she’d been tidying up when class concluded. Steven thanked them for their help, while doing his best to evade suggestions for him to come by more often.

The elevator ride up the tower was one that had Steven excited, if not a little anxious. What was he going to say? He knew what he was here for, but how to put that into words? It wasn’t quite the same as what he’d talked to Pearl about. This wasn’t really about Rose anymore, this was about him, and his personal experiences. And about Garnet’s. Plus Ruby and Sapphire’s. He was starting to resent Bismuth’s quality craftsmanship, as he didn’t get too much time to ponder before the elevator had hit the top. Sure enough, Garnet was there, picking up the pillows put down for her students.

“Steven. What an unexpected surprise.” The fusion smiled as she stood up a little straighter, putting the cushions aside before approaching Steven.

“Hah, unexpected? Really?”

“Well, mostly unexpected. I didn’t see many futures where you stopped by.” She paused as she reached up, adjusting her visor. The sunlight glinted across the surface, in a move Steven recognized quite well by now as Garnet scanning some potential futures. Would she land on the right one? “I don’t suppose you’ve stopped by to tell me that Cat Steven has fallen down a well and become trapped?”

Nope. Wrong future, apparently. “No, no. Nothing serious like that. Just something I wanted to talk to you about. Is now a good time?”

“Now’s a perfect time.” Garnet suddenly turned and made her way back to the cushions, pulling two from the pile. She let them fall to the floor with a pair of soft thumps, taking up a cross-legged sitting position on the one that had landed closer to her. She gestured to the other pillow with her hand, about eye-level with Steven now. Her top eye, at least. “Please, take a seat.”

Somehow, Garnet always had a way with lightening up a situation when needed. Some of Steven’s worries seemed to evaporate as he took a seat on the offered cushion, making himself comfortable and stretching his legs out. Oh boy, this was actually it. No more time to worry about what to say, now.

“Thanks.” Steven gave an uneasy sort of grin as he fidgeted about with his hands. “I was just thinking about the wedding recently.”

“Mine?”

“Of course, who else’s?” The teen pulled his phone from his pocket, unlocking it and heading into his gallery. His thumb quickly moved to an album he’d compiled over the past few weeks. After years of sitting in his gallery, Steven had finally put in the effort to move every photo from the wedding into one spot. “I was looking at old pictures and kept coming back to the wedding ones. You remember just as well without them, I’m sure.”

“Yep. Like it was yesterday.” Garnet leaned in as Steven flipped through the pictures with quick swipes of his finger. Greg playing on his guitar. A selfie of Steven and Kiki. Peridot considering a soda can very carefully as it levitated in front of her. Garnet hurling the bouquet up and into the sky. Bismuth catching said bouquet hours later. It was all so nostalgic, bringing up the kind of good feelings that made Steven want to have the pictures all printed and framed.

Eventually, they finally stopped on one Steven had been pausing on quite a bit as he rolled through the album. One of Ruby, looking just radiant in her gown. It was so simple, just a little sleeveless gown with a slight sweetheart, but Steven really loved it. It had absolutely been the perfect gown for Ruby, in retrospect.

“This is such a good shot. Ruby looks so good in a gown.” The dreamy tone in Steven’s voice wasn’t lost on Garnet as she looked over, noticing that it was more than just his voice that seemed affected. Even his expression seemed as enchanted as he sounded. His half-lidded eyes and soft grin was telling of something, but Garnet wasn’t quite sure what. He certainly hadn’t reacted like this to any of the prior photos.

“What? No love for Sapphire in her tux?”

“Huh? Oh!” That seemed to shake Steven just a bit, causing him to look up. He blushed as he flipped through the album yet again, settling onto a picture that this time depicted both halves of the happy couple. “Sorry, they both looked really good. I guess I just got caught up in the way they changed it up.”

Changed it up, huh? That definitely had Garnet feeling intrigued. “Changed how, exactly?”

The tone of her voice implied that she already knew what Steven was getting at, but was inviting him to open up about it himself anyway. A small mercy considering the trouble he was having doing all this himself, but it didn’t make things that much easier ultimately. It opened the door, but he still had to walk inside.

_ Phew. Deep breath in, deep breath out. You can do this, Universe. _

Another brief moment’s hesitation, and Steven was finally able to speak up about what he’d been getting at all along. “You all changed your forms. Sapphire had always had a dress, and Ruby had always had pants. But then, at the wedding, they both switched.” While the instant relief he’d hoped for didn’t come, Steven was at least happy to feel a little less of a sense of urgent pressure. Not much less, but it was something at least.

Momentum was at least building now. Maybe he could roll with it for now. “I always wondered why you did that, but I didn’t wanna worry about that during planning, or the ceremony, or the party. And then the stuff with the diamonds all happened.” He looked away for a moment, placing a hand over his gem beneath his shirt protectively. Thinking back on that trip was already hard, it was even worse when he’d already been worrying about being too much like his mom in a different way. He’d hated being called Pink so much at the time, yet here he was acting a little more like her in some small way.

His sudden discomfort didn’t go unnoticed by Garnet. Her hand instinctively found its way around his shoulders, resting against his furthest one and surrounding him with her arm in a way that felt safe as she pulled him closer. Grounding. Things always turned out okay when Garnet was looking out for him so closely. Whether it made him feel like a helpless kid or not, it was something he needed at the moment.

“Do you want to know something about Ruby and Sapphire? Their forms?”

Steven reached up to wipe away a small tear from the corner of his eye, frustrated that he just couldn’t seem to keep himself in check.  _ Don’t fall apart, keep it together. _ The teen squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head for a moment before looking to Garnet with a resolved expression, nodding.

That was enough for Garnet to carry on. She lifted her right hand, palm facing upward. She regarded the triangle-faceted gem there with a stoic expression, considering her words. “Sapphire’s dress was a symbol of her status. A high ranking member of Blue Diamond’s court, never meant to see a battlefield. She was made for ballrooms and palaces, places where regal luxuries were in abundance. Her dress was one of many among a room of gems who were always made to be ornate.”

Yep, an aristocratic gem. Steven still remembered how Garnet had described her as such when she’d told him Ruby and Sapphire’s stories. A gem with lots of abilities and strength, but not one made for combat, unable to even summon a weapon. Pearl was the same at one point, but had honed herself into a knight through years of training and practice. Sapphire, being fused as Garnet more often than not, wasn’t trained to that degree. A lot of her poised background was still very evident in who she was.

With that established, Garnet lowered her right hand and lifted the left. Just as she had before, she looked to her open palm as she spoke. “Ruby was a soldier. Homeworld saw her as nothing less, and definitely nothing more. There was no illusion of anything resembling luxury or high status. She was a simple gem, with nothing extra that might be a detriment to her combat capabilities.”

Well, that was who they were in a nutshell. Steven wasn’t quite sure where Garnet was going with this, but he kept his attention on her as he brought both hands down, touching her fingers to the tower beneath them. “Here, though, on Earth? None of what the Diamonds wanted for their gems mattered one ounce to either Ruby or Sapphire. Even if Sapphire kept the skirts and Ruby kept the pants, it was because that was what  _ they  _ wanted.” The smile that crossed her face as she said so went from big to huge in an instant, and Steven couldn’t help but grin a little himself at the sight.

All of a sudden, the fusion stood, offering her hand to Steven. “Let me show you something.”

Whether it was her smile or the unbridled enthusiasm in her voice, Steven felt compelled to listen without hesitation. He took Garnet’s offered hand and stood alongside her, letting her lead him over to the tower’s edge. From the great height over Little Homeschool, Garnet gestured down to the ground below, across the entirety of Little Homeworld. “Do you see those gems down there?”

“Yep. Population sure has shot up.” Even from up here, Steven could make out a number of the gems milling about down on the ground. He could see Cherry Quartz struggling to make use of a cell phone, Watermelon Tourmaline bouncing past her, and even Bismuth exiting her forge with Lapis.

“You know something about those gems?”

“What’s that?”

“They’re all leading lives that they weren’t made for, because of you.” One of Garnet’s fingers lightly jabbing into Steven’s chest drove her point home. It was hard to consider it sometimes, but she was right. This entire thing was all because of him. Not just the community, but the gems within it, and the way they were living.

Credit where credit was due, Garnet knew just what to say to make a point. Just like that, Steven felt even more weight lifted off him. This way of life was only brought about by revolution, one staged after he’d already inherited the legacy of a prior revolution. He existed because of gems and a human who didn’t do what they were told, and neither did he.

Of course he made that purchase. Even if he was afraid of what people might think or say, Steven had a truth he had to live. Self-censoring wasn’t his style, because expression was just his thing. Often through art or music, but other avenues as well. This was just a new way of doing it, and trying to deny it would just drive him crazy. If he wanted to deal with this, the only way to do so would be to embrace it.

“...Garnet, you’re right. We fought so hard so that we could be who we wanted. So gems could choose their roles, their forms, their fusions!” Steven backed up from the tower’s edge, gesturing to himself and Garnet as the realization finally hit him. He had nothing to worry about, because how he felt mattered more than the people who didn’t understand him. Living a life defined by societal standards had never been his goal, and he wasn’t making it one now.

Even with such a brief discussion, Steven felt as though he understood exactly what he needed to do now. Even more than before. He had to give fair thanks before that, though. Yet again, actually talking to someone about his problems was working out way better than he’d have ever thought it would.

With another swipe of his sleeve across his eyes, Steven returned to Garnet and grabbed both her hands in his own. “Garnet, thank you. You’re always so unafraid to express who you are. It’s just the inspiration I need to do the same!”

“That’s wonderful, Steven. And I know two more gems who would also love to hear that.” As soon as she got the sentence out, Garnet began to glow with a bright light. Steven closed his eyes after the sudden, and was unsurprised to see two familiar faces standing before him when he opened them again.

Steven was now holding the right hand of Sapphire, and Ruby’s left. Both gems were staring at him with proud smiles, and Steven could even spot the beginning of small tears forming in the corners of Ruby’s eyes.

“Aww, you guys! You didn’t have to unfuse just for this!” Even as he said it, it seemed Ruby and Sapphire disagreed wholeheartedly. They didn’t hesitate to move in for a group hug, squeezing and trapping Steven from both sides. He chuckled at the dual sensations of a warmer-than-average body on one side of him and a colder-than-average body on the other.

“Oh, don’t worry about us. We’ll be back together before you know it.” Sapphire’s voice was more animated than usual, tinged with glee. She even went so far as to reach up and cup Steven’s cheek, turning his head her way before moving her bangs aside. “We just had to show you that we support you all the way. We always will.” Without her hair in the way, Steven could see that Sapphire was just as misty-eyed as her other half.

“Yeah! We’re with you, Steven. And anyone who isn’t, we’ll punch them right in their faces!” Ruby’s approach to support was a little more impassioned, but no less heartwarming. Fitting for such a fiery gem. Steven was more than capable of handling any detractors himself these days, but the thought was what mattered most. 

Their embrace lasted a few more moments before Ruby and Sapphire finally relented in their tender form of assault. The gems stepped back, allowing Steven to adjust his jacket and reach for his phone. His mind was finally made, and he was free to make plans for how he wanted to do this.

“So, is that  _ alllllll  _ you wanted to talk about?” Sapphire’s tone was playful, but genuinely curious. Oh, yeah. Even though Steven had opened up, he hadn’t quite said what he was planning to do, really. Given Sapphire’s future vision, though, Steven could only assume she’d seen a glimpse of something not too far off.

“For now. I promise I’ll finally show you guys what’s been up soon. I just gotta’ make a little more time for one more pair of people.” Tapping away on his phone, Steven already knew just who he had in mind. He’d been through this with gems so far, it was time to take the plunge and deal with some humans who understood the depth of what he was gonna do.

“Well, alright. But don’t hold out on us for too long, mister!” Ruby’s pointed finger and overly serious expression belied her apparent serious command. 

“Heh, wouldn’t dream of it.” With that, Steven finally made his way back to the tower’s elevator. He gave the couple one more wave before the platform finally began to descend, making its way down the stone column. Another bright light appeared as Steven left, along with a sound he was quite familiar with by now. Sure enough, when he looked back up and behind him, Garnet was there again. The fusion waved a bit as Steven went further and further down, excited for the moment she’d finally see him make his reveal.

“Good luck, Steven. We’re with you.”


	3. The Final Walk

Aside from the easy listening soundtrack that always kept her company during these long study sessions, the only sound in Connie’s room was the familiar scratch of her pencil. Her mom was working a late shift at the hospital, and her dad was wrapped up with some new security protocol workshop. That was fine by her, though. She’d always done her best work and focused easier without any distractions. Hence her strictly rationed study breaks. Fifteen minutes breaks allowed for each hour and a half spent studying, with a full half hour break in the middle for a meal. Dance breaks when one of her favorite songs came on were only occasionally permitted, and would be made up for with rigorous flash card review.

Fortunately, tonight had been quite productive on the whole. Multiple chapters breezed through, review questions all thoroughly answered, and pages of notes that she could pore over once she’d finished this section. By the time her study break had arrived, she felt like it was one she’d more than earned. And, of course, she knew just how she wanted to spend it. 

Rising from her chair, Connie gave a quick stretch before walking over to flop down onto her mattress. She usually tried to avoid leaving her little study nook for the shorter breaks, but sitting in that old chair for so long could really do a number on her back sometimes. 

With a practiced sort of familiarity, she pulled her phone up and selected her video call app. At the very top of her recently called list, she tapped the icon for Steven Universe. He’d been busy with some things recently, but as of yesterday he’d be back to being up for their typical study break chats. Good. Connie had missed out on getting to chat with him in a kind of face to face way, even if only in fifteen minute intervals a few times a day. They were both so wrapped up in planning for the future these days that sometimes it felt like they were old people preparing for retirement! 

After tapping Steven’s icon, he’d typically pick up after just one ring. Maybe two if he was in the middle of something. Today, though, it rang for quite a while before there was finally an answer. Her best friend’s smiling face shone on her screen, in a space she didn’t quite recognize. Around him was just darkness and some clothes. Wait, was he…? 

“Connie! Glad you’re finally on your break! Sorry for missing some of our chats the past few days, I had to deal with some stuff. Missed our talks, though!” 

“Oh, don’t worry about it! I got to catch up with Patricia in the meantime. I missed you too though!” A smile came easy as Connie sat up a bit, eyes still inevitably drawn to the background of the call. Normally he just called her while he was relaxing on his bed too, and she’d be able to see his balcony door or all the knick knacks on the shelves behind his bed. None of that was present here, and the lighting was strange. Plus, Steven’s jacket was also off. 

Putting two and two together, Connie couldn’t help but ask about it. “Steven, are you standing in your closet right now?” 

“Huh?” It seemed like even Steven had forgotten that fact, as he looked around with an expression of slight surprise for a moment. “Oh, yeah!” The surprise was replaced with a look of realization as the perspective on the call suddenly changed. The screen blurred a bit as the camera seemed to whirl around, only to rise up and focus on Steven’s face back in his room. “Sorry about that, I was doing something when you called. I must’ve lost track of time.” 

“Doing a fashion show to plan your summer wardrobe?” 

“No, nothing like that. Well, I guess. Kind of.” Steven blushed and looked away suddenly, piquing Connie’s interest. 

That sounded to her like something that was just begging for some explanation. She suddenly stood from her bed, angling her phone down so she could stare down into her camera with a more authoritative stare. When you meant business, you showed it by asserting dominance. “Steven.” 

“Uh, y-yes?” 

“Tell me what’s up. Right now.” Connie steeled her gaze as she glared even more intently into the camera, imploring Steven to open up like she’d done so many times before. It didn’t always pan out nowadays, but something as frivolous as clothes should be something that he should be totally unafraid to tell her about. If ever there was a time for Connie to develop her own magic powers that psychologically manipulate people into emotional honesty, it was now. 

Powers or not, it seemed that her own willpower eventually won out. Steven clammed up for a bit, but eventually gave a short sigh. He steadily looked up, with his nervous frown replaced with a new and optimistic looking smile. “Okay. I’ll tell you.” 

Wait, what? “Oh my gosh, that worked?” After that thought about the powers, Connie couldn't help but wonder if she really had willed those psychological powers she’d wished for into existence. No time to consider that, though, she had an in-charge persona to keep up. “I mean, good!” She crossed the room back to her desk, taking her seat once again and propping her phone up against her book before leaning in with her head leaning on her hands. “Alright, go on.” 

There was a brief pause as Steven seemed to be looking for the right words. Eventually, he snapped his fingers as something better came to mind. “Instead of telling you, can I show you?” 

Ooh, this was starting to get interesting. “Very well, I’ll allow it. You’ve got the remaining ten minutes of my study break to impress me with your look for the final walk!” Connie assumed a posh sort of accent as she did her best imitation of that one snooty judge she and Steven liked to make fun of on the modeling reality show they watched every now and again. 

“No, no!” Steven chuckled as he waved a hand in front of him, ever charmed by Connie’s sense of humor. “This is something that I’d like to show you in person. If Lion can come and pick you up, can you take your half hour break with me at Spacetries tomorrow?” 

Getting out wasn’t usually much of an option if Connie wanted to make the most of her breaks, but with Lion it was a lot easier to get around in a timely manner. She gave a nod, already reaching for her phone to make a note about it in her calendar for tomorrow. “You got it. Just have him here on time and I’ll meet you!” 

“Great!” Steven seemed greatly relieved to have that scheduled. Connie assumed it must’ve been something big after all. Probably best to treat it with an appropriate amount of gravity from here on out. “Well, that still leaves us with eight minutes of your break. Still wanna chat?” 

“Of course I do, silly! Let’s hurry up and make the most of it, we can discuss your thing tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, tomorrow.” Connie couldn’t help but notice the way Steven stiffened a bit when he spoke, but she bit her tongue and didn’t say a word. She could trust that Steven would reveal the rest of what was going on then. Until then, it was business as usual. 

The tense moment passed, and Steven brightened again, back to his typical happy self. Yep, the usual. “So, how’s Patricia? Did you guys ever get together for that study party?” 

* * *

One day later and Connie was somehow way more anxious than she was not too long ago. 

Astride Lion’s back, a myriad of little nagging thoughts ran through her head even while traveling through the portal he’d made. Thoughts about just what could be going on. Was this really just about clothes? Steven had seemed to imply that, yet also deny it at the same time. Part of Connie wished she’d pushed more during their call for Steven to tell her about what was going on. Suddenly, just putting some faith in her friend to do what was best wasn’t quite enough somehow. 

Maybe it was just the fear in his eyes that she could see. When he’d talked, it was with a certain amount of apprehension. Something in him didn’t want to tell her what he was going through, that much was for sure. It was good that he’d finally come around and been able to at least make a plan to talk to her, but that he was scared at all wasn’t a good sign. 

Ugh, was she worrying herself over nothing? She was heading to meet him right now after all. If he was willing to talk to her as soon as one day later, it couldn’t have been that big of a deal, could it? Yeah, he wouldn’t have asked to show her whatever this was about in person if so. 

It wasn’t much, but it was enough of an optimistic thought to calm Connie’s nerves by the lime she and Lion exited another portal in front of Spacetries. She gave the big cat a scratch behind the ears in thanks before hopping off of him, adjusting her messenger bag and checking the time on her watch. Right on time. 

“Thanks, Lion. Meet me back here in half an hour?” Lion only answered with a low rumble of sorts before dashing off to do whatever it is he did. “Well, I’ll take that as a yes.” Well, this was it. Steven wasn’t at any of the outdoor tables, and Connie didn’t see him through the windows, but it wasn’t a big deal. She was sure he’d show up before too long. She began the trek to the front door, pausing when she heard a voice as soon as she laid a hand on the door handle. 

“Connie?” 

The young woman turned, recognizing the voice well. “Mr. Universe?” Walking down the sidewalk was Greg, looking as surprised to see here as she was to see him. Steven wasn’t with him. What was he doing here? Just a coincidence when he had a craving for something sweet, maybe? 

“Well, hey! Funny running into you here, that’s a nice coincidence! I was meeting Steven here for lunch!” He smiled as he stepped up to Connie, seemingly unaware of the fact Steven had asked her here too. “Were you just leaving? He’s supposed to be here soon, and I bet he’d love to have you join us!” 

“Uh, I’m sure he would, he actually asked me here too! He invited me yesterday when we were talking on my study break.” Having Greg here was fine, Connie was always happy to hang out with him, but the addition of him only added to the weirdness of things. Steven inviting him was absolutely fine, but why wouldn’t he have mentioned that to Connie at some point? Even if he’d just invited Greg earlier today, a simple text message saying so would’ve been easy. 

Greg must’ve been just as confused, as his expression shifted to a bewildered one that matched Connie’s. “He did? What time did you guys talk?” 

“Ooh, good question. I think it was around seven?” Connie reached into her bag to retrieve her phone, pulling up the app to double check her call log. “Yep, call ended a quarter after seven.” 

“Huh. He must’ve called me right after you, then. We talked just a few minutes later.” Greg had his phone in hand too, confirming the time the same way Connie had. All at once, nagging questions were running through her head again. Ugh, why did this have to be such an emotional roller-coaster? 

The worry must’ve shown on her face. Greg’s hand suddenly came to rest on her shoulder, while he looked down to meet her eyes. “Connie, did he seem scared to you? Like he was worried about something?” 

The sight of him looking away from the camera and seeming so stiff and awkward popped up in her mind again. “Yeah. Something’s wrong. He didn’t wanna talk about it over the phone. This was where he was gonna tell me about it.” 

The gears seemed to be turning in Greg’s head when Connie mentioned that. “If he invited me, I guess he wanted to be able to tell me too. Two birds with one stone, and all that.” 

If he needed to tell his dad about it too, Connie could only wonder more if it really might be something serious. His dad was like, one of his biggest confidants! If it was something the gems might not understand, it was all but assured that Steven would go to Greg or Connie. 

“Mr. Universe, do you think something might be wrong? Like, really wrong, I mean.” All this uncertainty was starting to make Connie feel sick. For as much as she tried to be pragmatic most of the time, Connie was as susceptible to being scared as anyone else. 

Greg, being as in-tune with kids as he was, was quick to try and offer whatever affirmations he could. “Honestly Connie, I’m not sure. I know something’s up, but it could be anything. But that’s okay. It’s gonna be alright because whatever’s bothering him, he came to us.” He gestured between the two of them, smiling down at Connie with an expression that just seemed to ooze affirmation. 

Even that did Connie some good to hear, but he went on even beyond that. “He knows that you and I are there for him no matter what. Be it a little human problem, or an intergalactic gem problem, we’ve supported him through all of it. So if he’s coming to us about something else, then we’re gonna help him the same way we always have. Right?” 

“Right!” A sudden surge of confidence chased away the doubt Connie had been facing, aided by Greg’s supportive words. He was absolutely right, this is what they did. For more than two years she’d been learning about his adventures until she was ready to set out right alongside him. She’d scaled a spaceship mecha trying to kill them all and climbed inside to confront the tyrant controlling it! Next to that, everything else was a cinch! “Thanks Mr. Universe! You’re exactly right. We’re with Steven through thick and thin, no matter what!” 

“You can say that again. Now come on, I can smell Blue Lace’s Red Dwarf Velvet Cake from here! Steven’ll catch up, first round’s on me!” Greg stepped past Connie with a smile as reached for the door handle himself, holding it open. Judging by the way Connie laughed and shuffled inside, he could safely say that he’d successfully navigated that little bout. Phew. 

* * *

“So, as it turned out, the cereal planet was more of an allegory for the dairy industry than an actual place.” 

“Wow, that director must’ve had a real vision when putting that together.” Connie held the door open this time as Greg came out after her, cake box in hand. They’d started chatting about a new sci-fi movie he’d seen recently, the latest sequel in a series that he and Steven liked. 

“Sure did! It just goes to show you, even a traditionally whimsical director can really move you if studios would just—” 

“Hey dad, Connie!” 

The sound of Steven’s voice caught their attention right away. They’d been worrying over him for so long, that just being able to see he was happy and well was a huge relief. They both turned quickly in the direction he called from, seeing him coming down the sidewalk. Mercifully, he seemed to be in good spirits, but there was something different about him that stunned them both into silence. 

From the neck up, he was the same Steven they’d always. What was different was his choice of wardrobe. The only thing familiar were his trusty old pink flip-flops, audibly slapping against the pavement with each step. His jacket, star shirt, and even his jeans were absent though, replaced by something entirely new. 

Steven was wearing a casual dress, a sleeveless, scoop neck style that ended in a scallop hem just below his knees. The material was flowy below the waist, but more fitted up to. It was visually reminiscent of the shirts he’d worn when he was 14, if not a little brighter. The color was more akin to a sort of bright cherry red, but a very familiar star pattern covered the whole garment. A simple pair of black leggings was worn underneath it, stopping just above Steven’s ankles. 

As cute an ensemble as it was, Steven’s expression didn’t look nearly as fun and carefree as the dress might imply. The smile on his face was big, but undeniably forced looking. His eyes were just as off, seeming tired and unsure at the same time. Even his body language was stiff and awkward, with his arms held high and parallel to his sides. Without his jacket pockets, he couldn’t just stuff them away whenever he wasn’t sure what to do with his arms 

“So, good to see you! Sorry I’m a little late, I’m used to being able to stuff my wallet and keys in my pockets, haha!” Steven slapped his hip for emphasis, referring to the dress’ lack of any extra storage. “It’s cool, though! I had one of those little pouches that you can strap to your thigh that I’ve just been waiting for an excuse to use!” 

When there was still no response from his friend and father, Steven was quick to rack his brain for any other subject he could switch to. Just before he could speak, though, the cake box Greg was holding fell from his hands to the pavement. 

Oh no. Oh no, this was already going badly. “Oh gosh, I’m sorry! Oh boy, I probably should’ve waited for you to sit down! Sorry, I know this is probably shocking, but I’ve actually been doing some thinking recently about—” 

Whatever Steven had to say was suddenly cut off by a little yelp as Connie launched herself at him. Her arms found her way around his neck while he instinctively caught her, stumbling back a few steps to avoid getting knocked off his feet. Okay, so that was her reaction then. 

“Steven! Oh my gosh, what is this?! You look so cute!” Connie was instantly enamored with the dress, it seemed. She didn’t hesitate to start fawning all over it, running her hands over Steven to get a feel for the material and fit. 

“Oh, you really think so?” This was honestly a way quicker acceptance than he’d been expecting. Was it really that easy just to tell people? 

“Yes, of course! Look at you! Oh, I have a headband that would go so good with this, you’ve got to let me lend it to you!” Whatever sort of reaction Steven had expected, it wasn’t it. It wasn’t as if he’d believed Connie or his dad were bad people who’d judge him for something like this, it was just that it was something so different! He’d only ever done stuff like this for things like performances. 

“So...you don’t think this weird or anything?” 

That seemed to catch her attention. Connie went still for a moment, not saying anything. She slowly removed herself from their embrace before reaching down to grip one of his hands in both of her own. “Steven, I don’t care what anyone else might say. If this makes you happy, then there’s nobody in the world who has any right to make you feel bad about it.” 

Connie stared into Steven’s eyes as she spoke, maintaining eye contact to ensure that there was no room for doubt about what she said. “If anyone says otherwise, then I hope karma comes to bite them in the butt.” With that, she embraced him yet again, eager to make sure she really drove the point home. 

Huh. Steven wasn’t really sure how to react to that. After spending so much time practicing what he wanted to say in the mirror, he wasn’t expecting to end up not needing any of it at all. His body suddenly felt both heavy and light at the same time. After bottling this up for so long, getting to talk about it was such a huge weight off his shoulders. Conversely, all that fear seemed silly in hindsight after everyone seemed to take it so well. 

Of course, there was still someone left. Connie backed off once more when Greg walked up from behind her, giving him an opportunity to have a moment with his son. 

“Wow. Schtuball, you look adorable, no question about it.” Greg took a similar approach from Connie, hooking an arm around Steven’s shoulder and pulling him in for a hug from the side. “Whatever you wanna wear, I support you 100 percent!” 

Even as he said that, though, there was obviously something else bothering Greg on some level. A question that he couldn’t just let go of. “There’s just one thing I gotta ask. Are you wearing this for any particular reason, or is it just…?” 

“I—” Oof. That was the one thing Steven hadn’t quite figured out yet. As soon as he’d started feeling this way, he’d started looking up stuff on the internet. Articles, videos, ebooks, anything that might’ve given him the answers he’d been looking for at that point. They couldn’t do that, of course, but they’d given him some context. Food for thought while he figured things out over time. “I don’t know. I wasn’t sure what I was even thinking at first, but now I just know that I thought it would be nice to wear. Maybe things might be different later, but is that okay for right now?” 

The answer he got was his cheeks getting grabbed up in Greg’s hands, his head suddenly tilted up so his dad could lay a kiss on his forehead. “Absolutely, kiddo. No matter what you wear or what you look like, I’ll be right here for you.” 

Well, that was it. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. All at once, Steven’s vision went blurry, while his cheeks started to get all wet. Yep, it was official. His family and friends were too good for this world, and didn’t have any idea what the heck he’d done to deserve any of them. 

“Oh, Steven…” Connie, ever prepared for any situation, fished in her bag for a moment before pulling out a fresh pack of tissues. “Good thing my mom stocks up on these every Spring like a dragon hoarding gold, huh?” 

“Thanks. Sorry to do this, sometimes I just forget my life is filled with the absolute best people. I shouldn’t ever take that for granted.” The smiles that lit up both Greg and Connie’s face confirmed that wasn’t at all the case. If ever there was a time they understood just how much Steven appreciated them, it was now. “Oh, and sorry about your cake, dad. I’ll buy the new one.” 

“What? Aw, come on! It was in a box, no need to let all that go to waste.” Greg has waved off the notion before Steven even has a chance to make a move for the discarded box. He goes to pick it up himself, careful of the bent edges, lifting the lid a bit just to check the condition the cake is in. “See? Still good! So maybe it’s a little squished, so what? We’ll grab spoons and call it cobbler!” 

The laughter from both Steven and Connie confirmed that there’d be no protesting from them on that decision. The three of them finally had a chance to sit down at one of the unoccupied tables, just about to dig in before one more interruption had to come along. “Oh, there he is! Steeeven!” The unmistakable sing-song sort of tone Pearl was so fond of signaled the arrival of the gems long before Steven or the others actually saw them. Suddenly, the three of seemed to show up from nowhere, Pearl and Amethyst rushing over while Garnet lagged behind. 

“Guys? What are you doing here?” 

“Oh, y’know! Garnet and Pearl have big mouths. Couldn’t help but spill that you were planning some kinda big surprise today.” Amethyst sidled up first, grabbing one of the cake slices without a care in the world and shoveling it into her face. Once she’d had an ample opportunity to gulp it down, she looked Steven over and reached down to pinch the hem of his dress between two of her fingers. “So, this it?” 

Well, this was one way for Amethyst to find out. “Uh, yeah. I was thinking I’d show you guys as soon as I got back to the house.” 

“Ooh, sorry dude. Still, it’s a good look for you, Steven!” Amethyst stepped back, hands clasped behind her head as she took in the image of Steven in the dress again. “If my own form wasn’t so awesome, I might even be jealous.” 

“Oh, Steven I hope you don’t mind, we just had to come by and see!” Pearl was the next one to slide up, approaching Steven’s chair from the opposite side. Compared to Amethyst’s relatively subdued reaction, Pearl was all excitement and pride. “Oh, you look good! Sit right there, I’ve got to get a picture! I finally found that roll of film I’ve been meaning to develop!” 

“Pearl…” Steven wasn’t sure how he was gonna tell her. 

Said roll of film was likely in the ancient looking camera that Pearl proceeded to pull from her gem, turning it on and aiming it at the table. “Greg, Connie, go on, scoot in! We want everyone in this!” 

“Uh, P? Why don’t you just take it on your phone? Developing film isn’t even like, a thing anymore.” Amethyst chimed in before the shutter could actually quick, looking both bemused and embarrassed by the whole situation as he walked around behind Steven to inspect the camera more closely. Well, at least that meant Steven wouldn’t have to be the one to break it to her. 

“What? Oh no, but I still have some of his baby pictures on here! Well, I suppose I could always give it a shot myself.” Pearl regarded the camera for a moment, before finally returning it to her gem and retrieving her phone in its place. “Steven, do you think I could commandeer the bathroom for a day or two? Setting up a darkroom shouldn’t take too long.” 

Just when it was all starting to feel like things were getting to be too much, Steven was greatly relieved when Garnet stepped up behind Amethyst and Pearl to lay a hand on each of their shoulders. Oh, thank goodness. 

“Alright you two, rein it in. We’ve got things to do, and we should really be getting back to Little Homeschool.” Even with just a few words, Garnet had displayed her talents for exercising authority in a tactful manner. Amethyst and Pearl backed up enough to give Steven and the others their space, but not before the latter snapped a picture on her phone. 

With her associates handled, Garnet could look back to Steven with that knowing smile of hers. “Steven, Connie, Greg, glad we could stop by. Enjoy your ground cake.” That was all she needed to say as far as she was concerned. The gems all started to head back the way they’d come, only for Garnet to stop and look back at the last second. “Oh, and Steven! Readjust the strap on your pouch!” 

Steven couldn’t help but laugh. There really was no predicting what you were gonna get with the gems, sometimes. “Future vision?” He called back, only assuming that Garnet had forseen him losing the pouch and all his essentials walking in some possible future. 

“No, I can just see it. Look down.” With that, she turned back and continued walking away. True to her word, Steven looked down to find his pouch had fallen under the table when he’d taken his seat. 

“Oh geez, I know I shouldn’t have pulled this out of the bargain bin. I guess I gotta get a dress with pockets next time.” 

“Ooh, we could always get you a purse! This is technically a messenger bag, but they’re functionally the same things. Purses are just prettier and sold at big mark-ups a lot.” Connie hefted her own bag up onto the table as an example, unzipping it to display the myriad of pockets and compartments hidden within. 

“Hey, maybe a bad time to ask, but do you think we can actually set up that dark room for Pearl? I knew there were more pictures of you somewhere! I thought I lost those in the storage unit years ago!” Greg piped up from the other side of the table, going off on some related tangent now that his interest has been piqued. 

Between the two of them, Steven could only smile and take it all in. Just a few days ago, he’d been panicking on his bed about what people would think of him if they saw him like this, and now? Now he just felt like things were the same as they ever were. The exact sort of chaos he’d come to expect and love. 

No matter what he wore, he was Steven Universe. He’d already figured that out a long time ago, but now he could rest easy with the knowledge that the people who mattered to him knew that too. No matter the circumstances. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, my goal of finishing this story before Future finished didn't pan out, but I can at the very least be happy in saying that I did finish it. Thank you to everyone who's read the story over the past few months, and especially to those of you who left your comments and kudos! You made me want to fully realize this silly idea for a story I had all the way back in 2016, so thank you so much for that


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